Disgusting Door Handle Ahead

I was at a bar on Saturday night and headed for a quick bathroom break when I encountered this door handle. At first glance it may look like an ordinary handle, but you're wrong. As I pulled my arm out of my pocket and reached for the door handle I heard a girl scream "STOP! Don't touch that!" I was a little confused because she had her arm stretched out all the way with a disgusted look on her face. She proceeded to to say "some drunk bitch threw up on the door handle and I touched it!" As I squealed at the site of vomit on the door handle I could only think of two things: 1) thank you random girl for saving me from the horrible experience you just had and 2) thank you God for sending me this marvelous piece of grime.